Rewind (Revision)

[baifan]

Really cool piece. The narrative is surreal and a bit confusing yet readable and inviting until the last line, where everything makes immediate sense. Some thoughts:

The chair rises from the floor
and you lower yourself
to sit down again, 
a ripple returning
to the pond’s surface. -I actually like the placement of the metaphor here, but I feel that the metaphor itself is a little weak. Someone has mentioned that ripples in a pond feel cliche; I agree with that. Furthermore, I think that it would really enhance the piece to pick some "louder" and more jarring imagery. A ripple in a pond does not necessarily capture what it feels like to end a relationship.
Black smudges of mascara
race backward up your cheeks
to settle around shining eyes—now dry. -agree that shining should be changed. Shining eyes usually connotes with hope. Here, it seems that you want to suggest tears.
With your fork, you remove 
food from your mouth, and like an artist -why like an artist? I feel that the artist comparison is too lofty given that the image here is actually kind of disturbing; I mean, she's taking food out of her mouth (basically vomiting) and turning it back into a meal. It also feels a little thematically random; this piece is not really about art. I think there's a more appropriate comparison to be made.
reconstruct the unchewed almond-crusted salmon 
with garlic crisp potatoes. I unclear
my throat so I cannot say, -best reversal in the piece, in my opinion (unclearing one's throat)
“We need to talk.” -I think that if you put this line in a new stanza all by itself, it would elongate the suspense, pack more into the revelation, and maybe give a brief sensation of the uncomfortable silence that usually precedes the phrase "we need to talk"

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Slight revisions from a NaPM thread

Really like this, overall. The piece is visually striking, and visually clean; I have no problem imagining what's happening.