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Lizzie Offline

Exalted Otter

Posts: 598
Threads: 83
Joined: Apr 2016

#19

03-01-2017, 04:44 AM

I like the content of the new ending, with her giving up and wanting to just keep it inside of her forever (a reference to suicidal ideation?), but I'm not sold on the phrasing. The piece feels a little melancholy; especially with the ending, I'm sad for her. The pun feels out of place and takes me away from the mood of the piece. JMO.

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Messages In This Thread

Forge - by Donald Q. - 01-24-2017, 08:34 AM

RE: Forge - by ellajam - 01-25-2017, 01:37 AM

RE: Forge - by Donald Q. - 01-25-2017, 05:06 AM

RE: Forge - by RiverNotch - 01-26-2017, 09:46 PM

RE: Forge - by Donald Q. - 01-27-2017, 08:20 AM

RE: Forge - by RiverNotch - 01-28-2017, 10:56 PM

RE: Forge - by ellajam - 01-28-2017, 11:28 PM

RE: Forge - by amaril - 01-30-2017, 06:28 AM

RE: Forge - by Lizzie - 02-03-2017, 03:16 AM

RE: Forge - by Donald Q. - 02-03-2017, 08:26 AM

RE: Forge - by RiverNotch - 02-03-2017, 10:34 AM

RE: Forge - by Lizzie - 02-04-2017, 07:49 AM

RE: Forge - by laltieri0 - 02-11-2017, 12:27 AM

RE: Forge - by Todd - 02-21-2017, 12:57 AM

RE: Forge - by ellajam - 02-21-2017, 01:20 AM

RE: Forge - by Donald Q. - 02-27-2017, 07:58 AM

RE: Forge - by Todd - 02-28-2017, 05:59 AM

RE: Forge - by Donald Q. - 02-28-2017, 07:00 AM

RE: Forge - by Lizzie - 03-01-2017, 04:44 AM

RE: Forge - by Donald Q. - 03-01-2017, 08:13 AM

RE: Forge - by Todd - 03-01-2017, 08:28 AM

RE: Forge - by Donald Q. - 03-01-2017, 08:42 AM

RE: Forge - by ellajam - 03-01-2017, 10:25 AM

RE: Forge - by Todd - 03-01-2017, 03:29 PM

RE: Forge - by Donald Q. - 03-01-2017, 09:31 PM

RE: Forge - by nibbed - 03-02-2017, 02:03 AM

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