02-27-2017, 01:00 AM
the title is ironic, perhaps to the point of distraction -- the pretty boy is not at all discussed, not even in the manner of most remotely self-conscious sonneteers where at least one aspect of the partner, eg hair or smarts or youth, becomes the partner's "prettiness".
images are banal. the most unique thing about this is the reservoir, but only because it's the most specific term throughout (i'm not counting "evergreen", because that is not a color).
rhyme also distracts by modifying the voice in such a way that it seems the author found the first two lines too flat and chose to sort of vivify everything too late.
there's too much telling -- the images don't speak for themselves. let's see: "cast reflections serene" as in the reservoir is serene, or the reflections? and either way, the inversion makes it read awkwardly; "a quiet breeze sets the tone" if it really set the tone, then showing the breeze alone should be enough; "fortuitous cry" how exactly does it being incidental, as pretty much most of the images here should be, affect our understanding of the piece?.
the change of tense by the last four stanzas doesn't seem to serve a purpose, either: because the images are so typical or vague ("i get up to search for bones"?) or "told", the scene really isn't vivid enough to justify present tense. everything could work made more conventionally past.
and last, fishermen.
images are banal. the most unique thing about this is the reservoir, but only because it's the most specific term throughout (i'm not counting "evergreen", because that is not a color).
rhyme also distracts by modifying the voice in such a way that it seems the author found the first two lines too flat and chose to sort of vivify everything too late.
there's too much telling -- the images don't speak for themselves. let's see: "cast reflections serene" as in the reservoir is serene, or the reflections? and either way, the inversion makes it read awkwardly; "a quiet breeze sets the tone" if it really set the tone, then showing the breeze alone should be enough; "fortuitous cry" how exactly does it being incidental, as pretty much most of the images here should be, affect our understanding of the piece?.
the change of tense by the last four stanzas doesn't seem to serve a purpose, either: because the images are so typical or vague ("i get up to search for bones"?) or "told", the scene really isn't vivid enough to justify present tense. everything could work made more conventionally past.
and last, fishermen.