02-25-2017, 04:17 PM
The read I get is that you're talking about singing. If that's not your intention, you may want to be more explicit about your instrument
I agree that the meter is a little off. It looks like you're messing with the rhythm in order to say what you want to say, but that's like adding notes into someone else's song because you like them. You have to work within the structure you set for yourself.
I like the feeling of it. Lots of openness. The topic is clear, as is your feeling about it, though, like someone above said, more context for the imagery would improve the poem substantially.
I agree that the meter is a little off. It looks like you're messing with the rhythm in order to say what you want to say, but that's like adding notes into someone else's song because you like them. You have to work within the structure you set for yourself.
I like the feeling of it. Lots of openness. The topic is clear, as is your feeling about it, though, like someone above said, more context for the imagery would improve the poem substantially.