nickname musings

[Lizzie]

Hi Chels. A couple of thoughts for you. I like that it's a description of one person, and the first two stanzas help me feel like I'm getting to know the person, but the last three don't get me much further.

Sparky, sparkle-plenty, chameleon and blondie,
she loved anything tender or unique.
Sweet endearments and older friends, -- 'sweet endearments' is cliche. I'd try to make the descriptors here and in the previous line more specific.
it makes her feel bad she doesn't cherish any of them.  -- 'makes her feel bad' is a weak description. I'd try to find something less bland than 'bad.' But, I do like the sentiments expressed in this stanza.

This one soared in lightyear speed - -- a lightyear is a distance, not a speed. You can say flew at the speed of light. And why 'this one' instead of her? Or are you referring to someone else?
through the narrowest wires in her mind; -- a semi colon separates two complete sentences, and the one that follows is not complete by itelf, so I'd replace the semi colon with a comma.
to within the network she held her deepest creed.  -- I'd put a "where" after 'network.'
She's falling short, she'd often find. -- I'd cut this or elaborate and make it into its own stanza. It doesn't fit where it is and feels tacked on.

Eyes follow the soul,
what's right takes its toll.
They give true glimpses 
of failed outward instance. -- there's a tonal shift when we hit this stanza, from talking about a person to talking about something disembodied. Maybe if it was at the end, it wouldn't seem to out of place. But, you return to talking of her in the next stanza, so it's a strange detour. I also don't find that it makes much sense, content wise.

Of all the nicknames she could invite,
all the gifts in all of time,  -- this line can be cut.
'Diamond Eyes' walked in and burned pure light  
into her cloaked and never sought soul. -- 'never sought soul' doesn't flow well -- I'd try to re-word this.
Now her soul felt the shine,
as soul and wires combined.

Then again, maybe it wasn't meant that way at all. -- do you mean that "Diamond Eyes" wasn't meant that way? If you're not referring to the nickname given, then I don't know what you're talking about. And this ending seems to be taking the poem in a different direction -- away from concentrating on her to speculating about the motives and intentions of some other person that we're not introduced to.

Overall, I'd try to stick with the 3rd person narrative and use that to unify the piece.

Hope this helps some,

Lizzie