02-12-2017, 01:23 PM
For me, the first two stanzas are clear and work very well, but the third stanza gives unusual examples of what makes a human being. Envying birds, I can see, but a baby or the dead?
I feel that the final line would be better with "who" instead of "what", but then you have two stanzas ending with "who", and that doesn't work. I don't know how you would fix that, so I suppose you should stick with "what".
The word "humanistically" seems a little odd to me. Perhaps "emotionally" would be better. If there were a form of the word "identity" that would fit, that would be best, since I think you are talking about identity in the final stanza.
I feel that the final line would be better with "who" instead of "what", but then you have two stanzas ending with "who", and that doesn't work. I don't know how you would fix that, so I suppose you should stick with "what".
The word "humanistically" seems a little odd to me. Perhaps "emotionally" would be better. If there were a form of the word "identity" that would fit, that would be best, since I think you are talking about identity in the final stanza.