Forge

[RiverNotch]

            She was a contortionist sword-swallower and a failure. Her brother, estranged, was a contortionist sword-swallower and strongman with a business, producing bespoke throat bent ironwork. I got Lizzie's point of estranged perhaps not being necessary, but at the same time that bit of color does animate the not-appearing-in-this-poem brother. It goes either way for me.
            He'd won prizes. He had a profile in the New Yorker, he was an artist. She was just a performer, touring cross country under a shroud of sawdust and candyfloss. Maybe, just for the sake of brevity, "under shrouds of sawdust and candyfloss"?
                Every evening she draped herself around a blade, bending with the crowd's ooos. Again for brevity, "Every night"? She was a candelabra of cutlasses, a human vane in the night-wind. Again for brevity, "a human wind-vane." But no matter how good her act, she was not satisfied. Kinda bothered that this is a period instead of, say, a comma, since the next sentence is technically just a fragment. For each time the supple metal righted itself, impressed only with the ghostly slick of her gut. 
                The tent was put up and taken down. The people blew in then out. The blade inserted and withdrawn. Limbs switched and returned. Her pointless manoeuvres left no imprint upon the sword. 
                 The taste of metal lingered. She billowed and bloomed like a jellyfish, transparent and torpid. Her coiled body a fallow tract, a whorl to nowhere, animated only when she put her sword in. 

Especially with "her pointless maneuvers..." being effectively the same as "for each time the supple metal righted itself", I think these last two paragraphs could be compressed even further. "animated only when she put her sword in" itself needs animation, or perhaps, to end it even more coldly, deletion; "her coiled body was a fallow tract", or perhaps just the replacement of the preceding period with a comma; "the blade was inserted and withdrawn", or perhaps "the blade entered and withdrew". And so:

                 The tent rose and fell. People blew in and out. The blade entered, withdrew. Limbs switched -- the taste of metal lingered. She billowed and bloomed like a jellyfish, transparent and torpid, her coiled body a fallow tract, a whorl to nowhere.

And the indents can be more consistent, although that's not even a nit against the piece, more against the difficulties of indenting in an online forum. Otherwise, yes, this second edit is better, and I don't think the story needs to go "anywhere" -- it does go somewhere, that somewhere's just bleak (and in its bleakness beautiful). Again, lovely work.

She was a contortionist sword-swallower and a failure, accordingly. Her brother, estranged, was a contortionist sword-swallower and strongman with a business, making bespoke throat bent ironwork. He'd won prizes. He had a profile in the New Yorker, he was an artist. But she was  just a performer, touring cross country under the smell of sawdust and candyfloss.
                Every evening she draped herself around a blade, bending with the crowd's ooos... she was a candelabra of cutlasses, a human vane in the night-wind.  But no matter how good her act, she was not satisfied. For each time the supple metal righted itself, removed edge straight again; impressed only with the ghostly slick of her gut.
                The tent was put up and taken down, the people blew in then out, the sword inserted and withdrawn, limbs switched and returned. Her manoeuvres left no imprint upon the sword. All was pointless.
                 Her self-doubt deepened. Her coiled body, a fallow tract, a whorl to nowhere. She became her own slowest torturer. The roars of the dusk audience dimmed.  After many years all she could taste was the metal, all the time. When the circus closed she did not move. When her brother died she did not speak. She billowed and bloomed like a jellyfish, transparent and torpid. She only animated when she put her sword in.

(Sorry I know prose poetry looks shit in forum formatting, thanks for reading!)