Signs (revised)

[j56]

Threads merged, new edit placed on top.

thanks!

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"Signs"  The pun here works well with the theme of linguistics—its plurality of meaning even flirts with deconstructionism. 

Blanketed in the yellow glow of a low sun   "Blanketed"  is interesting. Evokes an image of children—wrapped up in the universal symbol of the sun. Its juxtapositional use for light (as opposed to obscure or darken) has tensional, metaphorical potential and could be fleshed out more. It appears cliche during the initial read, only becoming more meaningful upon closer look.

they resemble the illuminated signs   Nice follow-up image. Sibilant line endings of "sign" and "sun" connect the two. I initially envisioned the signs being the same color of the sun—though I feel you could work line 1's echo of "low" into this line somehow (or hint at it). The connotation of "illuminated" being knowledge/light is appropriate, yet it leaves me wanting more from "resemble" which doesn't do much for the poem. Consider replacing or omitting it.

hanging over their heads -  I like the idiomatic language hinted here (i.e. the signs' meanings "went over their heads"). However, I'm not sure about "hanging". It alliterates with "heads" yet the relationship is weak. Consider developing or cutting it. 

Just a thought: maybe you could make "heads" singular? It could create/reinforce their collective (alienated) minds as a symbol itself.

GATES 3-4 and i for INFORMATION. The formatting is clever. On the surface, the all-caps words are like those of actual signs. Beneath the surface, their size comes off as intimidating. The lowercase "i" suggests itself simply as a component in the machinery of language (in this context)—just like the pronoun "I" in a society. Your echoic "for" is alluring/mysterious, serving as a conduit between a numeral symbol ("4") with a preposition ("for") and a root ("FORm" in "inFORmation")—not sure if this was intentional, but the scope of its connectivity suggests a lot.

These signifiers, translated, uncover meaning. This line is too anemic: nothing here is stylistically engaging to me. Its explanatory tone comes off as jarring in relation to the overall tone. It's in this desire to elaborate that the poet sound unsure if the concept is effectively expressed. I say cut this line and try suggesting its idea in other areas. You won't have to do much since the poem is largely about communication. 

But what would they look like to the unlearned eye?   I suggest shortening this line—it's wordy. The metaphor of "unlearned eye" and  Like their faces.     its connection to "faces" doesn't compel me to explore its meaning. The use of eye as a symbol for understanding is just too prevalent (ask Dickinson), resulting in an uninteresting image. If you're determined to keep it for its connectivity as a universal symbol (a part in the body, similar to language), then try toying with its meaning and how it's expressed. 

cheers for the feedback, any thoughts on the edit?