Posts: 340
Threads: 204
Joined: May 2013
Bowser Brewery, the reckoning.
Holy moly, three hour set?
bunx's to fret,
pet,
and even get.
Awesome Bunx said?
remembering now...
with a grin on bunx's face;
"Breweries are the place where bunx's "guitar" is mace.".
Keeping on talking
hecklers, get ten percent!
bunx being a heckler himself...
Who know where all this time has went?
$$$$$$
Money, ahh the green smoke.
Burn 5 dollars, then money becomes,
a seeming insensitive joke.
bunx's offering to you and me,
green smoke for everyone to see!
music for every budget,
music for every friend;
music for every budget.
Wednesday nights at Bowser Brewing (RIP)!
Again and again.
-dedicated to the Bowser Family
Michelle and Evan
420
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 952
Threads: 225
Joined: Aug 2016
Yikes
(05-23-2013, 10:18 PM)Bunx Wrote: Bowser Brewery, the reckoning.
Holy moly, three hour set? Some places make you play 5 hours, most musicians barely have an hour of material
Mine to fret,
pet,
and even get. I like how youre excited about it without actually saying it, greedy it's mine! Happy to even get it, even if I don't like the rhyme on get, get seems either too important or too forced
Awesome I say with a grin on my face;
"Breweries are the place where my guitar is mace.".like a dangerous weapon stay back you can't touch me, but I think music is more inviting than what mace connotates I picture girls being mugged in alleys
Keeping on talking ill get ten percent!this is confusing, you keep talking, audience, venue promoter? 10 percent of payout?
Who know where all this time has went? I don't know
Money, ahh the green smoke.
Burn 5 dollars, then money becomes,
a seeming insensitive joke.I like the relation to burning money and green smoke, but as a joke I don't get how its insensitive
My offering to you and me,
green smoke for everyone to see!so you get the money? Then burn it back to the people?
Music for every budget,
music for every friend;
music for every budget.why this repeat
Wednesday nights at Bowser!
Again and again.I like it cause it's true here, again and again, Wednesday nights, or Tuesday nights, always same people with same stuff, but this takes away from the excitement you seemed to have at the beginning about getting the show, now it almost sounds like complaining to see a show.
I think this could make a funny song stabbing at the industry, or celebrating it, not sure in context which way it went
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
Posts: 10
Threads: 3
Joined: Jan 2017
Hey Bunx!
I get a nice vibe from this poem. It reminds me of heading to my friends band show and how much of a good time it is.
I feel as though the poem could have a better flow to it, and perhaps even work as a song. I was able to envision a brewery and imagine the setting, but the money aspect of the poem throws me off a bit. Perhaps stronger details on how you feel about the money would have a stronger impact.
Thank you for sharing!
It's easy to sense musical inclination in this poem. Free versed and rhythmic, yes hard to get a common tempo while reading. Very nicely put together.
bestoweroflight
Unregistered
I like the idea of this poem alot, but i think it needs a bit more work to sparkle. First, i think you need to clarify who "you" is in your poem. Is it the regulars at Bowser? is it a newcomer? or maybe its the band manager. Regardless, i think if you decide upon that, your second step would be creating the rhythm of your poem, producing the environment that the reader is sitting in, take your reader the backstage before a gig. Hope my advice helps, even just a little!
Ya Hagh
Bestoweroflight
