01-13-2017, 01:22 PM
First and foremost, you can improve the reader experience by using punctuation throughout the stanza - I've always believed that poetry is meant to be heard, and the best way for an author to help the reader 'listen' is through creating pauses & stops where you would pause or stop if you were to read aloud.
Your first four lines are vague, and are only explained by your title & reference to fatherhood. You could also clean up the pronoun problem CRNDLSM pointed out through replacing 'they' with 'my kids', which would help enforce the nature of simplicity in this poem.
The latter half of the poem is good stuff, rhyme scheme is clear, rhythm is iffy but acceptable (would be helped by punctuation as aforementioned.)
Your first four lines are vague, and are only explained by your title & reference to fatherhood. You could also clean up the pronoun problem CRNDLSM pointed out through replacing 'they' with 'my kids', which would help enforce the nature of simplicity in this poem.
The latter half of the poem is good stuff, rhyme scheme is clear, rhythm is iffy but acceptable (would be helped by punctuation as aforementioned.)