State of the Union

[Magpie]

Hi Timeout, I think I understand the point that you are trying to convey but I feel as though it is all lost within rhymes without reason. Some people may like the occasional internal rhyme but for me there are far too many in this poem and they don't help with the read.

Truancy is a
huge nuance
You see today
world power
is calculated
in Twitter hours — I'm not getting the significance of truancy and nuance - without the first three lines I feel that the subsequent statement is more powerful - perhaps 'twitter time' instead of hours

Fake to you
is news to me — topical and relevant - it works for me
A mistake is
an Easy-Bake recipe
nuked to perfection
The burnt confections
once savored in
founding fathers'
bulleted collections — I'm lost with the rest of this stanza

Popular doesn't mean
you're familiar
with poplar trees' — I get the 'u' in poplar but it feels like it's trying to be too clever
uprooted, colluded fruit — do poplar trees bear fruit?
The apricot face — I like this phrase - I would separate it from the previous stanza to avoid the confusion of poplar trees bearing apricots
is a new race
in diplomacy

@LittleBoPeep
Shame 'bout those sheep
...WEAK! — I'm lost again... Baaa

Less confusing rhymes would make it easier to read, there are a couple of phrases buried within that could be made to sparkle more with less tinsel draped around them.

Thanks for the read,

Mark