01-07-2017, 12:50 PM
I had to read this a few times to try and out wit my inner puritan. I think it is obvious you have a good sense of meter and know how to write, this poem to me though feels like jacking off. I can see you have no trouble transforming your thoughts into something objectively beautiful. I suppose my criticism would be perhaps that more interesting than pulling out and then dragging the lake for depth you would be better off leading off with the second half, where there is some stronger context than just "here I am squeezing my pudding pistol out all over your mind's thighs. " Just my two cents though, I did enjoy the read for what its worth.