12-28-2016, 11:22 PM
Here's a 4th revision:
Silicon Valley Palettes
A windy cirrus sky wisping
ice, celestial, sea;
the cold brackish Bay shimmering
azure, diamond, sage;
gird a saltgrass-fringed, pickleweedy isle,
harboring a peaceful colony of oceanic
pelicans−each one plumed achromatic
white: impartial, sympathetic, pure,
as pulsing stars, sunlight, clear night.
Giant swirly lollipops,
clownish cruiser bicycles,
M&M-top umbrellas−
blue, green, red, yellow−
bound glaringly off squat specular architecture
over a sprawling synthetic archipelago,
cloaking in fulgent rainbows kaleidoscopic
kids−each one a fractal of chromatic
intensity: particular, contrastive, spectral,
as an impulse, desire, fantasy.
***
I've dispensed with the experimental form of the 2nd stanza. Regarding the very helpful comments of tectak and amaril: I'm afraid the 'shopping list' is still there, but I have tried in places to replace synonyms with terms that add newer meaning. [T]ectak's comment about the need to introduce poetry into the "tome" is poignant. I'm trying to convey a meaningful convergence between science (chromatics), ethnography (pickleweed, specular architecture, lollipops, etc), and symbolics (impartial, sympathetic, contrastive, etc) in. I may have to let go of something in order to salvage a semblance of poetry.
Silicon Valley Palettes
A windy cirrus sky wisping
ice, celestial, sea;
the cold brackish Bay shimmering
azure, diamond, sage;
gird a saltgrass-fringed, pickleweedy isle,
harboring a peaceful colony of oceanic
pelicans−each one plumed achromatic
white: impartial, sympathetic, pure,
as pulsing stars, sunlight, clear night.
Giant swirly lollipops,
clownish cruiser bicycles,
M&M-top umbrellas−
blue, green, red, yellow−
bound glaringly off squat specular architecture
over a sprawling synthetic archipelago,
cloaking in fulgent rainbows kaleidoscopic
kids−each one a fractal of chromatic
intensity: particular, contrastive, spectral,
as an impulse, desire, fantasy.
***
I've dispensed with the experimental form of the 2nd stanza. Regarding the very helpful comments of tectak and amaril: I'm afraid the 'shopping list' is still there, but I have tried in places to replace synonyms with terms that add newer meaning. [T]ectak's comment about the need to introduce poetry into the "tome" is poignant. I'm trying to convey a meaningful convergence between science (chromatics), ethnography (pickleweed, specular architecture, lollipops, etc), and symbolics (impartial, sympathetic, contrastive, etc) in. I may have to let go of something in order to salvage a semblance of poetry.