12-10-2016, 02:14 AM
@Quixilated - Thanks for the excellent critique. I've addressed each of your valuable criticisms in the edit.
Edit1
Armistice Wind
On Friday last, an hour before
the sun reached its meridian
I listened indoors for the crash
of guns.
Policemen shoot them on this day
each year in my town’s graveyard, blanks
to symbolize an armistice ~
not peace.
At first no shots, just acorns falling
rattled like spent bullets on
hunched helmets as they struck my roof
and rolled.
Between, wind stirred dead leaves and limbs
to rustle, flutter, softly thunder,
warning ghost of distant drumfire
waking.
Then louder, rushing past, that gale
blew shrill, demanding pan-pipe notes ~
trench-whistles calling men to rise
and fall.
So Friday last I never heard
those guns proclaiming armistice ~
some wind had carried their reports
away.
Edit1
Armistice Wind
On Friday last, an hour before
the sun reached its meridian
I listened indoors for the crash
of guns.
Policemen shoot them on this day
each year in my town’s graveyard, blanks
to symbolize an armistice ~
not peace.
At first no shots, just acorns falling
rattled like spent bullets on
hunched helmets as they struck my roof
and rolled.
Between, wind stirred dead leaves and limbs
to rustle, flutter, softly thunder,
warning ghost of distant drumfire
waking.
Then louder, rushing past, that gale
blew shrill, demanding pan-pipe notes ~
trench-whistles calling men to rise
and fall.
So Friday last I never heard
those guns proclaiming armistice ~
some wind had carried their reports
away.
Non-practicing atheist

