12-08-2016, 01:05 AM
Thank you so much again, dukealien.
Your title suggestion is so much sharper--definitely a keeper (my bad on the redundancies).
Pulsing is perfect. BTW, I opted out of 'full' only because it seems too closely bound to the temporal aspect (ie, 'all night'), which I don't think you had in mind.
Hyphens for the color ranges are also great; this I had considered and balked at for no compelling reason (I think I didn't want to tip the cards so definitively to color ranges and/or clutter the lines with punctuation). I'll try it without the "of" in each instance--I think I'll come around more quickly to the added pauses than to the visual aspect of so many added punctuation marks.
I'm also going to think hard about the following format, which right now pinches a little (possibly a pang from a problem other than the graphics?):
Giant swirly l@llipops,
clownish cruiser bicycles,
M&M-top umbrellas−
blue, green, red, yellow−
bound glaringly off squat
specular architecture over a
sprawling synthetic archipelago,
raining warm rainbows on
kaleidoscopic kids−each one a
fractal of chromatic intensity:
singular, contrastive, vivid,
as a perspective, desire, fantasy.
I will also continue to work with the rhythm--please feel free to pass along any infelicities that you've found. If I were to scan each line for beats would I be getting warmer in finding the infelicities?
Thank you as well for passing along the edit-posting protocol--it definitely belongs to the 2nd palette, but I will give it a go.
Once again, I truly appreciate your help!
Your title suggestion is so much sharper--definitely a keeper (my bad on the redundancies).
Pulsing is perfect. BTW, I opted out of 'full' only because it seems too closely bound to the temporal aspect (ie, 'all night'), which I don't think you had in mind.
Hyphens for the color ranges are also great; this I had considered and balked at for no compelling reason (I think I didn't want to tip the cards so definitively to color ranges and/or clutter the lines with punctuation). I'll try it without the "of" in each instance--I think I'll come around more quickly to the added pauses than to the visual aspect of so many added punctuation marks.
I'm also going to think hard about the following format, which right now pinches a little (possibly a pang from a problem other than the graphics?):
Giant swirly l@llipops,
clownish cruiser bicycles,
M&M-top umbrellas−
blue, green, red, yellow−
bound glaringly off squat
specular architecture over a
sprawling synthetic archipelago,
raining warm rainbows on
kaleidoscopic kids−each one a
fractal of chromatic intensity:
singular, contrastive, vivid,
as a perspective, desire, fantasy.
I will also continue to work with the rhythm--please feel free to pass along any infelicities that you've found. If I were to scan each line for beats would I be getting warmer in finding the infelicities?
Thank you as well for passing along the edit-posting protocol--it definitely belongs to the 2nd palette, but I will give it a go.
Once again, I truly appreciate your help!