12-07-2016, 12:09 PM
Two Silicon Valley Color Palettes
A cloud-wisped sky of celestial to tiffany,
thistle and foothills of sienna to coyote,
the shimmering Bay of viridian to sea,
surround a grassy isle of myrtle to moss,
brimming with a colony of pelicans−
each one achromatic white:
indistinct, impartial, colorless,
as twinkling stars, sunlight, clear night.
Giant swirly l@llipops,
clownish cruiser bicycles,
M&M-top umbrellas−blue
green
red
yellow−
bound glaringly off squat
specular architecture over a
sprawling synthetic archipelago,
raining warm rainbows on
kaleidoscopic kids−each one a
fractal of chromatic intensity:
singular, contrastive, vivid,
as a private perspective,
desire, fantasy.
Here's my first crack at a revision, which I hope does at least some justice to the thoughtful comments of dukealien and sparkydashforth. Please don't hesitate to send me back to the drawing board, if need be.
A couple notes: I poetically prefer 'distant stars' over 'twinkling stars' (I know, mercilessly "cliche," to anticipate a favorite word of one frequent poster here), but I'm trying out twinkling, if only because I don't want 'distance in space' to matter too much; twinkling is gently upbeat--like sunshine and clear night. Regarding that @, just trying it out--it is 'swirly', like the lollipops, and it signals sharply, in the first line of the new stanza, a shift to the new google context (as if 'giant swirly lollipops' wasn't enough). Finally, the odd--singular, contrastive, vivid--form of the second stanza/palette is not an accident :-); the enjambments, at least for me, also improve (a little) the rhythm of otherwise roughgoing lines.
A cloud-wisped sky of celestial to tiffany,
thistle and foothills of sienna to coyote,
the shimmering Bay of viridian to sea,
surround a grassy isle of myrtle to moss,
brimming with a colony of pelicans−
each one achromatic white:
indistinct, impartial, colorless,
as twinkling stars, sunlight, clear night.
Giant swirly l@llipops,
clownish cruiser bicycles,
M&M-top umbrellas−blue
green
red
yellow−
bound glaringly off squat
specular architecture over a
sprawling synthetic archipelago,
raining warm rainbows on
kaleidoscopic kids−each one a
fractal of chromatic intensity:
singular, contrastive, vivid,
as a private perspective,
desire, fantasy.
Here's my first crack at a revision, which I hope does at least some justice to the thoughtful comments of dukealien and sparkydashforth. Please don't hesitate to send me back to the drawing board, if need be.
A couple notes: I poetically prefer 'distant stars' over 'twinkling stars' (I know, mercilessly "cliche," to anticipate a favorite word of one frequent poster here), but I'm trying out twinkling, if only because I don't want 'distance in space' to matter too much; twinkling is gently upbeat--like sunshine and clear night. Regarding that @, just trying it out--it is 'swirly', like the lollipops, and it signals sharply, in the first line of the new stanza, a shift to the new google context (as if 'giant swirly lollipops' wasn't enough). Finally, the odd--singular, contrastive, vivid--form of the second stanza/palette is not an accident :-); the enjambments, at least for me, also improve (a little) the rhythm of otherwise roughgoing lines.