12-06-2016, 11:24 PM
Very promising response - looking forward to the edited version (check the help threads for how to add your edited version to the top post while preserving previous version(s) hidden but available). You may, of course, use the rewritten lines... or, better, improve on them.
On the closing stanza(s)... your reasons for adding it are well explained, but beware of a tendency to summarize, carried over from prose (especially lesson plans and other presentations). I'm particularly prone to this, and generally have to lop off a concluding stanza from first drafts when critics point out tht it adds nothing new and the body of the work is quite able to stand on its own.
One other thing: neither critic (so far) has pointed to it, but this site is generally hostile to capitalizing the first word of each line (unless punctuation requires it, i.e. it's the start of a new sentence). I didn't notice because I don't feel it's particularly imporant (and revere tradition anyway), but just to let you know that the practice is discommended here as archaic.
On the closing stanza(s)... your reasons for adding it are well explained, but beware of a tendency to summarize, carried over from prose (especially lesson plans and other presentations). I'm particularly prone to this, and generally have to lop off a concluding stanza from first drafts when critics point out tht it adds nothing new and the body of the work is quite able to stand on its own.
One other thing: neither critic (so far) has pointed to it, but this site is generally hostile to capitalizing the first word of each line (unless punctuation requires it, i.e. it's the start of a new sentence). I didn't notice because I don't feel it's particularly imporant (and revere tradition anyway), but just to let you know that the practice is discommended here as archaic.
Non-practicing atheist