Wisdom Tooth Extraction

[Sparkydashforth]

Enjoyed this Brownlie,

Edit 3

Sunday night resembled a dung beetle's heap,
but with a steady, broken sibilance at 2 a.m.,....................I'm unsure about these lines. They seem a long way around
'Sunday night felt like shit', .............the dung was dumb then it whispered or hissed?
the rain had hushed uncertainties,...................?
save the spasmodic grating of a rusted iron gate.
 
On Monday, when the dentist opened,
my cavernous tooth was chiseled out
and placed into a pan...........................yes...love "cavernous" Chiseled" and "pan".
 
Declaring sick leave,
a couple days slid into chrysalis and died....yes great imagery. Maybe an 'a' before "chrysalis"?

I would rethink or even delete S1. The rest is Stella.





Edit 1

Only that which rose above or stood out starkly  
could be seen in the evaporating mist.
An oak swayed gently and unladen,
decades older than I had imagined,
and magnificent.

The cavernous tooth was chiseled out and placed into a pan.
The first bloody gauze looked like a pouch of nicotine. dip

Sunday's end resembled a dung beatles heap,
but with a steady, broken sibilance or rattling at 2 a.m.,
the rain had almost hushed uncertainties,
save the spasmodic grating of a rusted iron gate.

Declaring sick leave,
a couple days slid into chrysalis and died.



Old Version

Sunday ended like a dung beetles heap,
but with a steady, broken sibilance or rattling at 2 a.m.,
the rain had almost hushed uncertainties,
save the spasmodic grating of a rusted iron gate.
 
The cavernous tooth was chiseled out and placed into a pan.
The first bloody gauze looked like a pouch of nicotine.
 
Only that which rose above or stood out starkly
could be seen in the evaporating mist.
An oak swayed gently and unladen,
decades older than I had imagined,
and magnificent.
 
Declaring sick leave,
a couple days slid into chrysalis and died.