12-03-2016, 06:05 AM
Hi, I'm new here, this is my first ever critique, and I hardly feel qualified to give feedback bc I don't feel like I know enough about poetry. I really only know what I like and don't like.
Sorry, long into all to say that I really, really like this poem! The opening 2 lines are my favorite. I love the image it creates of having though you landed in a safe, welcoming place. It makes the betrayal/hurt that much worse in the end. The only thing I might change would be to get rid of one of these lines or somehow combine them: a place to rest/an earthen reprieve. They feel repetitive to me. But as I said, I'm no expert.
Thanks for sharing. I agree with everyone else that this is one that should venture out of the notebook.
Sorry, long into all to say that I really, really like this poem! The opening 2 lines are my favorite. I love the image it creates of having though you landed in a safe, welcoming place. It makes the betrayal/hurt that much worse in the end. The only thing I might change would be to get rid of one of these lines or somehow combine them: a place to rest/an earthen reprieve. They feel repetitive to me. But as I said, I'm no expert.
Thanks for sharing. I agree with everyone else that this is one that should venture out of the notebook.