11-29-2016, 09:25 AM
It's interesting and engaging. I really like the end. What I'd suggest changing is here:
for I am as solid as particleboard and cinder-block.
I am the speedometer in an old mans head,
The words particleboard, speedometer and maybe cinder-block don't sound well with respect to the established tonality.
for I am as solid as particleboard and cinder-block.
I am the speedometer in an old mans head,
The words particleboard, speedometer and maybe cinder-block don't sound well with respect to the established tonality.