Akathisia

Akathisia

rayheinrich Offline

Left of Alabaster

Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011

11-02-2016, 08:58 PM

I'd take out that "Around and around" at the end of each stanza.
The content is sufficient to form the rhythm, that repeated phrase detracts.

a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions

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Messages In This Thread

Akathisia - by Mark Cecil - 11-02-2016, 09:34 AM

RE: Akathisia - by RiverNotch - 11-02-2016, 01:23 PM

RE: Akathisia - by rayheinrich - 11-02-2016, 08:58 PM

RE: Akathisia - by Mark Cecil - 11-03-2016, 04:11 AM

RE: Akathisia - by Brownlie - 11-03-2016, 11:29 AM

RE: Akathisia - by Krakus - 11-03-2016, 12:18 PM

RE: Akathisia - by CRNDLSM - 11-06-2016, 04:15 AM

RE: Akathisia - by rayheinrich - 11-07-2016, 11:02 PM

RE: Akathisia - by vagabond - 05-10-2017, 07:08 AM

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