10-23-2016, 05:21 AM
(10-18-2016, 11:30 AM)Brownlie Wrote: Edit 1
Only that which rose above or stood out starkly
could be seen in the evaporating mist. Hasn't mist already evaporated? It's a little like "melting water".
An oak swayed gently and unladen,
decades older than I had imagined, I like this image "unladen" is a great word, and I agree about chopping magnificent.
and magnificent.
The cavernous tooth was chiseled out and placed into a pan.
The first bloody gauze looked like a pouch of nicotine. I don't know what a pouch of nicotine is, so this simile falls a little flat for me - I can't picture it. Is it a pouch of chewing tobacco?
Sunday ended like a dung beatles heap, How does a dung beatles heap end?
but with a steady, broken sibilance or rattling at 2 a.m.,
the rain had almost hushed uncertainties,
save the spasmodic grating of a rusted iron gate. I like the wordiness of this last line, and I don't usually like wordiness (I don't really like the second line because of it).
Declaring sick leave,
a couple days slid into chrysalis and died. I like the ending.
Thanks for the read, I think the title might be a little punchier if you change the title to simply "tooth extraction". To me, "tooth extraction" gives me more of a punch in the gut (or jaw) sensation than "wisdom tooth extraction".