09-29-2016, 04:48 PM
Fantastic feedback and I most certainly did misspell the title.... 
I've had a crack at editing based on the feedback. It probably helps to go into what I'm trying to convey and see if once you know it's more, or less, effective. I'm trying to get across my view of our western society's failings. The Eagle is the USA and the Lion Great Britain. I'm trying to portray how I feel we are losing some of our strengths to technology, entertainment and apathy. The cycle of cultures throughout history - Wooden clogs going up the stairs, silk slippers coming down. I'm worried we have the slippers on. The last stanza is probably a bit of a nasty shot at the situation in the Middle East, the beast is ISIS, the treats are the freedoms we have earned and that we have lived without fear in our home countries for so long and now terrorism is reaching right in there.
Keys jangle at the precipice of fate
our virtues endeavour to raise their heads
The gloaming's mist winds through the straight
those hopes turn back to their beds.
So tired
We are lost in our keep
Though all feel owed their inheritance
Too many are prone to seductive sleep
The eagle has leapt in arrogance
and flown too far.
So tired
The oldest lion has accepted its limitations
Its mind slides though satin into thorn, thorn to shadow.
The bush burned to its foundations
His pride now has none.
So very tired.
The stars wheel as the wind bites from the east
And while the cold tears at our hearts,
We throw the treats of our children to the beast
It devours what we give it, breathing dark arts
It doesn’t sleep.
I've had a crack at editing based on the feedback. It probably helps to go into what I'm trying to convey and see if once you know it's more, or less, effective. I'm trying to get across my view of our western society's failings. The Eagle is the USA and the Lion Great Britain. I'm trying to portray how I feel we are losing some of our strengths to technology, entertainment and apathy. The cycle of cultures throughout history - Wooden clogs going up the stairs, silk slippers coming down. I'm worried we have the slippers on. The last stanza is probably a bit of a nasty shot at the situation in the Middle East, the beast is ISIS, the treats are the freedoms we have earned and that we have lived without fear in our home countries for so long and now terrorism is reaching right in there.
Keys jangle at the precipice of fate
our virtues endeavour to raise their heads
The gloaming's mist winds through the straight
those hopes turn back to their beds.
So tired
We are lost in our keep
Though all feel owed their inheritance
Too many are prone to seductive sleep
The eagle has leapt in arrogance
and flown too far.
So tired
The oldest lion has accepted its limitations
Its mind slides though satin into thorn, thorn to shadow.
The bush burned to its foundations
His pride now has none.
So very tired.
The stars wheel as the wind bites from the east
And while the cold tears at our hearts,
We throw the treats of our children to the beast
It devours what we give it, breathing dark arts
It doesn’t sleep.