Sleep though this

[Donald Q.]

Keys jangle at the precipice of fate  Having read the first poem I'm not sure about this line.  how do the keys fit into it? Also 'jangle' jarrs a little with the dramatic tone
Instinctive virtues endeavour to raise their heads 'Instinctive virtues endeavous' is a bit of a mouthful, think of ways to phrase it that are smoother and more accessible
The gloamings mist winds through the straight I think you are missing your apostrophe? gloaming's , yes?
And those virtues turn their eyes back to their beds. Again, don't over complicate, I see what you are saying here, but 'turn their eyes back to their beds' is too long

So tired  I like the honesty! 
 
We are lost in our keep  I like 'lost in our keep' alot, suggests something archaic and psychological 
Though all built this mighty edifice
Too many are prone to seductive sleep
The eagle has leapt in petulance
and flown too far.

So tired
 
We are many, we are few, we are one
 
The oldest lion has accepted its limitations  Another interesting turn of phrase
Its mind slides though satin into thorn, thorn to shadow.
A bush may burn but only in failing machinations  I can see how this line has some links to the rest of this stanza, but it seems a bit out of place.
His pride now has none.

So very tired.
 
He was many, he was few, he is one
 
The stars wheel as the wind bites from the east Nice flow here
And while the cold tears at our hearts and minds
We throw the treats of our children to the beast Oh lordy, what is the subject of this line? I assume the children are being thrown to the beast? Again, phrasing. 
It devours what we give it, it destroys what it finds. 'it devours what we give it' is more interesting that 'it destroys what it finds'

It doesn’t sleep.
 
None are any, all are few, I was one.  I don't really like this line at the end, nor do I care for its various iterations throughout the piece. To me it only added confusion.

Hi there, I hope I haven't gone too deep on the crits for a novice post, do tell me if so, if not I hope it is useful. There are some interesting things in this poem, but I think at times your phrasing gets the better of them and there is also too much imagery and more abstractions than you need. I like the dramatic psychological elements, but I think they need some focus to frame them. I like the idea of the keep and the lion, and how all the people there struggle with battles including tiredness. If I were you I would probably decide which abstract imagery is the most important, then build around that, jettisoning anything which distracts from these key ideas. Look forward to reading an edit. 

Oh and also I assume your title is meant to be  'Sleep through this' ? Always check the spelling