09-13-2016, 10:16 AM
I see that lizziep has done a great line-by-liner for you - not much to add, except that second line in the third stanza bugs me - I can't find a reason for it to head off into the hills by itself.
This felt at first to me like a stream-of-consciousness of someone suffering a form of obsessive/compulsive disorder, with a bit of the misanthropist tossed in for good measure. Then, on rereading, I think it's just the mind of a writer.
Tom or Virginia Wolfe?
I'm fascinated by the 'ingredients' that are folded into a sheet of paper, and swallowed. Maybe those were the incidents noted in the narrator's walk, and the poem on the page is the result of combining them. This leaves me with a great paradox, of the thing itself being about the creation of the thing itself, because it couldn't actually be that thing until it was created, and round and round again.
I enjoyed this, thanks for posting, I'll be back to check on revisions.
This felt at first to me like a stream-of-consciousness of someone suffering a form of obsessive/compulsive disorder, with a bit of the misanthropist tossed in for good measure. Then, on rereading, I think it's just the mind of a writer.
Tom or Virginia Wolfe?I'm fascinated by the 'ingredients' that are folded into a sheet of paper, and swallowed. Maybe those were the incidents noted in the narrator's walk, and the poem on the page is the result of combining them. This leaves me with a great paradox, of the thing itself being about the creation of the thing itself, because it couldn't actually be that thing until it was created, and round and round again.
I enjoyed this, thanks for posting, I'll be back to check on revisions.