Winds of Anger

[89layers]

I especially like Erthonas rewrite.  It cleans the poem up nicely, but honestly, the poem was not inspiring and painted a bland picture for me.  I enjoy irony and duality of language in a poem, this seemed to try for that but I was confused. I think you can use the last bit of the poem, I actually enjoyed that, "Travelers beware, do not drink...etc" in another poem. It evokes strong feeling and titillates with the suggestion of something ominous.  

It read like good practice of creating imagery. Keep working at it though!

I'm new here and a total amateur.  Im still learning how to give feedback and writers language. Be patient with me.

Best to you!

 
The hot winds of anger
blow across the frigid landscape.
Leaving only a desert
where flowers once grew.
 
Gone are the mighty oaks.
Gone are the gentle lilies.
Gone, the song birds
and the soaring eagles.
 
Deserted oasis;
poisoned waters;
parched bones
of the errant nomads.
 
Shimmers of promise,
mirages of hope,
proven elusive
on the arid horizon.
 
Travelers beware.
Drink not too deeply.
What seems sweet to the tongue
may sour in the belly.