Wings

[CRNDLSM]

dont break it into two poems.  i liked the edited rewrite, but take it all the way.  leaving it, im thinking of trees and suddenly a bird.  the rest of the original explains almost why your focused on it.  the fights, the scars, the always there like inner criticism crows are super smart, but no! you will not be reduced to the paranoia from a creature tormenting you, you will walk together.  You will overcome. finish it as one so i can reread it again in its finished form!!

First epic, super harsh rewrite attempt:

You were there, I heard you.

Subtle and soft at my back,

The branches left barren,

 just as I dare to glimpse.


You followed me, I felt you.

Creeping into the smallest corners of my life,

casting a cooling shade on my days,

but stealing away at the edges of sight.


Now you’ve come to the light,

Glistening feathers to be seen by all.

You are the crow come to make claim

and you seek shadows no more.


**In this I'm toying with the idea of breaking the original into two distinct, but related pieces. Any thoughts on that? As usual, I posted without sitting with this long enough and found it much less than I had hoped. And any level of feedback and crit will be appreciated. Tear my down folks so I may rebuild anew

Original: Wings

You were there, I heard you,
Subtle and soft at my back,
Leaving the branches barren just as I dare to glimpse.

Creeping into the smallest corners of my life
Casting a cooling doubt on my days
But never fully realized, you'd sulk. 

And now you've come to the light,
your glistening feathers to be seen by all.
You are the crow come to make claim and you seek shadows no more.

But you find something new here.
You will not take me in a fight.
I go on my own, I go with choice.

You may carry me home,
But I will take you with me first
through what remains of this life.

I do not mind the scars you will bring
I do not mind the stolen glances you will earn
I do not mind the beating of your wings or the crackle at my back as you sing.

This life is mine, before yours, and I will live it.
I will carry you, as a friend, and show you the love and the light, 
and the hope that even your wings cannot stop.

And we will go together one day, 
not as captor, but guide
to be carried gently and softly away
By the stillness of your wings.