Wings

[billy]

hi nikkisto. love the title and what you're aiming for through the poem. it almost lends itself to sonics of wings. i'll just leave feedback on the edit as i came late. one suggestion is to look out for redundancies. and another would be to cut what doesn't add anything go over the piece and see if you can better phrase anything; an example: there are 3 [ing] words in 3 lines, two of them could be changed. good effort.

First epic, super harsh rewrite attempt:

You were there, I heard you.

You were there, I heard you. is "i heard you needed?" as it's implied as the poem continues

Subtle and soft at my back, i love the textural feeling of soft in connection with a wing, but feel [subtle and] is redundant

The branches left barren, no need for [the] nice alliteration

just as I dare to glimpse. no need for [just]


You followed me, I felt you.

Creeping into the smallest corners of my life, a word suggestion would be crept so as to lose an odd [ing]

casting a cooling shade on my days,

but stealing away at the edges of sight.


Now you’ve come to the light,

Glistening feathers to be seen by all.

You are the crow come to make claim

and you seek shadows no more.