Wings

[ellajam]

You're well on your way here. I've got a bit more to say than is usual in Novice but I think you're up to it, If it's not too much for you let me know if you'd like it moved to Mild to encourage similar crit from others.

Wings

You were there, I heard you,
Subtle and soft at my back,
Leaving the branches barren just as I dare to glimpse.
The mix of tenses might sqeak by here but the read might be smoother with "dared".

Creeping into the smallest corners of my life
Casting a cooling doubt on my days
But never fully realized, you'd sulk.
This is a bit confused, maybe a comma after "life" with a lower case "casting", but I'm not clear on what is not realized, maybe change the "but".

And now you've come to the light, I would cut "and".
your glistening feathers to be seen by all. I think you could say "seen by all" in a more interesting way.
You are the crow come to make claim and you seek shadows no more. Strong."

But you find something new here.
You will not take me in a fight. Possibly a semicolon here.
I go on my own, I go with choice.

You may carry me home,
But I will take you with me first
through what remains of this life.

I do not mind the scars you will bring
I do not mind the stolen glances you will earn
I do not mind the beating of your wings or the crackle at my back as you sing.
This could use some punctuation, the last line is lovely, a winner.

This life is mine, before yours, and I will live it. Maybe no comma after "mine".
I will carry you, as a friend, and show you the love and the light,  Maybe no comma after "you".
and the hope that even your wings cannot stop.

And we will go together one day,
not as captor, but guide Because you have "we" above,  you may need to adress both roles here or say "you not as captor"or something similar.
to be carried gently and softly away
By the stillness of your wings.
This needs a tweak to make clear who being carried.

This is a lovely piece and my comments are just points for you to think about, I hope they help.