From Youth to Youth(Edit 1)

[Lizzie]

Hey there lizzie,
I made a lengthy reply to this the other day but lost it all
But thanks so much for critique, I'm working off your every suggestion as theyre all great!
I agree with you on the tense issue, my initial approach was the cause for the confusion I think, I've stepped back and reworked it so the order of events is a bit more sensible,
and there is a bit of a vernacular issue, im working on that as well.
And as far as the 'penetrating' bit, I threw that in there kind of wondering if it would throw the reader in that awkward "is this intended to be sexual" frame of mind. It's certainly relevant, still not sure if I plan to keep it though.
As for the rest youre absolutely right, im almost done with the rewrite thanks to you, I appreciate the time you took with this one!
mike

Yay, I'm glad it was helpful! Yes, I'll be looking forward to the re-write.

Funny, you're the second person to say that they replied to something of mine and then lost it. Hmmm. If I were not such a technophobe, I would venture an explanation.