07-26-2016, 01:31 PM
Weedy,
I think you need to drop the attempt the attempt at cleverness at the beginning, it comes across as very obvious and thus to no purpose. There is nothing in the poem that ties the ideas presented to anything concrete. The reader is left to guess what tadpoles mean, outside of immature frogs. Obviously and hopefully this is suppose to be more than a recitation about the life cycle of frogs, yet the poem gives the reader little to make of it beyond that. Could I guess? Certainly. But when I have to guess it opens the door to hundreds of possibilities and when something can mean that many things it becomes meaningless. As the other critic insightfully pointed out, the blood stain on the bench is just left hanging there as though it is suppose to mean something, but it does not. This seems a microcosm for the entire poem. When a poem needs to be explained, as this one does, it has failed in it's task. I hope you will revise it, I am curious to see what this is about.
Best,
dale
I think you need to drop the attempt the attempt at cleverness at the beginning, it comes across as very obvious and thus to no purpose. There is nothing in the poem that ties the ideas presented to anything concrete. The reader is left to guess what tadpoles mean, outside of immature frogs. Obviously and hopefully this is suppose to be more than a recitation about the life cycle of frogs, yet the poem gives the reader little to make of it beyond that. Could I guess? Certainly. But when I have to guess it opens the door to hundreds of possibilities and when something can mean that many things it becomes meaningless. As the other critic insightfully pointed out, the blood stain on the bench is just left hanging there as though it is suppose to mean something, but it does not. This seems a microcosm for the entire poem. When a poem needs to be explained, as this one does, it has failed in it's task. I hope you will revise it, I am curious to see what this is about.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.