Arteriole (edit2)

[Lizzie]

I will spare you the trivia: 
we were both orphan of impulses -- I don't think that this reads well without an in front of orphan or pluralizing orphan
playing to tenebrous lilts -- lovely line -- good sonics
- widening in this vein;

you left me with an oneiric scar, --
encircling the illusive entrance to my heart,
which laid on the ground a short distance apart -- Hmmmm, this one needs some work. Lay? Lying on the ground?
- this is not a metaphor -  -- nice contrast, keeps things a bit clearer for the reader, since the poem is a little on the obscure side.
why did you watch the blood thinning from afar?
"I couldn't stand the sight of red liquid"
- I just realised, you were pointing at my lipstick.

No clue what it's about, but I love it anyway

Look forward to reading more from you!