07-07-2016, 11:47 PM
I had a gingerbread man with one leg I liked on my bedstand. It took the ants two months to get to it. I saw them crawling around last night and I poured some beer on them, then Augustine showed up in a phantom menace and said, If you believe in God you're going to have to eventually stop jerking off and drinking alcohol if you want to be true. I said that I believe in God, and I want there to be an after life, but it seems boring in a lot of ways. He asked if I sing along to these songs I listen to. I said, Sometimes. He asked if I ever knock on wood. I said, Not much. Then he said that's why many people die horrible deaths, that they don't knock on wood right after saying something at the same time as somebody else.