The Details Are Unimportant (Revision 1)

[Todd]

Thank you Leanne.

You always have a really good eye. I used a few of your ideas and then made some other changes using the spirit of the idea. It's not done yet, but hopefully, it reads more smoothly. Appreciate the comments.

Best,

Todd

Just a quick rundown for now, Todd, and I'll come back when I have a bit more time.

There is a filmstrip running in my mind
like on one of those clackety-clack projectors
I used to watch in science class. Only -- because this is naturally a piece with a lot of the I in it, you might consider removing them where you don't need them.  This could work well enough with "...projectors/ from science class".
instead of answering a question
that I never asked about how plants eat sunlight
or the size of dolphins’ brains. I am left -- a comma instead of a full stop here I'd say. Also, you have a plural in "plants" so you might consider "the size of a dolphin's brain".
with images of myself shot from an omniscient perspective. -- this is a bit clunky.  Maybe something like "taken by the omniscient eye"?
I can hear the laughter of my friend who died alone
as we all die, as I will someday die as I am dying now.
I’m not sure what I’m saying to make her laugh.
My words aren’t captioned. I’m not that person anymore. -- is "I'm not that person anymore" really needed?  I feel it's implicit in the poem.
There are other faces burned from the film blurred
by drownings, other cancer. Does it matter? They say I survived -- do you need "does it matter?"  It is distracting here, for me at least.
when my mother died. I suppose I did. Though daily I am diminished -- the full stop after "did" followed by "though" is mucking up the structure here.
like a faded newspaper on a park bench -- maybe "the" park bench, make it a definite 
on which I will someday sit -- although grammatically correct, the two uses of "on" so close together make this a little clunky.  Maybe "where"?
when the reel is finally empty
and my lips sound out words
I can no longer read. -- beautiful ending

~~


*Another NaPM poem I wanted to workshop.