Travel Dream (new edit 2)

[UselessBlueprint]

TRAVEL DREAM

Television prison lights the living room, (Word order does a lot for this line. I like it)
the shackles of the sofa, (mild nitpick, but this gives me the sense that the shackles belong to the sofa - almost as if the sofa is being restrained. That's a weird image for me, and I don't see a reason for the line to read that way)
a nature show on mute, (S1 is pretty fair. I still prefer to have a poem form (mostly) coherent sentences, but that's preference)
 
drifting away into sleep, (personally, I find this line to be very easy to forget. It's a shame, really, because as I continue to reread, this line acts as a fulcrum that my interpretation shifts on.)
quiet current,
the only sound, the voiceless tone of quiet. (despite what this portion of the poem is trying to accomplish, repeating "quiet" on these asymmetrical lines irks me. I think I'd like "noiseless current" a little better, but proceed as you see fit there.)
The wind blows ‘qw.’
‘I’ am in the middle. (Location. Location. Location. "I" is certainly not in the middle. Okay, the middle of the word 'quiet', sure. But you've placed it at the beginning of the line. I can accept "qw" at the end of its line, simply because you do not state it is at the beginning. There can be implications made by that decision. But I like to see location reflected by position, especially because the only thing the "I" is doing in this line is being in the middle. If you say "I" is/am in the middle, make it so. ("In the middle 'I' am placed").
The ‘e’ is the water beside me. (Not the worst metaphor, but the sonics might deserve some tuning. Specifically, "beside me" doesn't sound great to me. I'd probably opt for "around me", if that doesn't alter the line's purpose beyond what you can accept.)
The ‘t’ is the tap of tree branches. (On the other hand, this line works wonderfully. I'd like a modifier on "tap" that echoes a light percussion a little more, but this is a fine line as it is.)
I stretch my arms and legs, (this is the first pivot point of the tone, for me. (the fulcrum I mentioned earlier is regarding meaning). I am no longer reading about the quiet now. Now I am" travelling". It's too abrupt for me.
--left foot in N. America,
right foot in S. America, (abbr., an interesting choice with some good implications)
left arm in Europe,
right arm in Africa,
summersault into Asia, (well, that image did quite the flip.)
flip up and land in Australia—
a little dirt from every land dusted on my face,
sweat in every country, (fair lines. not a lot for me to say there)
piss in every ocean, (and the second pivot point. now the tone shifts from ambitious travel to something that, at the moment, I can't properly describe (and may not have the time to find the right words before I leave for work) )
shit the food of every people,
Siberia, Sahara,
Chile, Canada, (Ch vs C, weak in my book)
to finally shout an answer (not sure about the infinitives. I think it's the only decision I'd really want explained to me.)
to calling global corners,
but only finding quiet,
then longing for the moon, (At first, I was indifferent to the moon being here. I think I'd prefer it as the final line, at the end of S3, making it the ultimate destination. Moving on from this line just makes it feel like the speaker missed (and kept flying onward) )
 
then waking to a science show,
television muted.  (No problems with S3)

Hopefully a sufficient critique and hopefully some useful suggestions. Adjustments to punctuation might be worth consideration. While not entirely burdensome, the abundance of commas is confusing. I might have more to say after work. We shall see.