Another Long, Hot Summer

[71degrees]

Hi 71,
I have read this thru several times. I find the start of it ....confusing. The first three lines I find too vague. I'm sorry to say I really don't like the word saliva in there. And I like it when people shake things up or do the unexpected in a poem. But that was unexpected in a bad way for me.
I like it better from the 'you ache in me....' line on down. I think from there it's a kind of 'I'm so into you poem'..but I like those . I keep reading the 'bring your color to my skin' line....over and over...I admit, I'm confused by it, but it doesn't stop me from liking that bit. I also agree with the previous reviewer that the last three lines are your strongest.
Good luck! V

Sorry if the start is confusing and vague. Sharing someone's saliva is pretty specific so not sure what you are saying. Glad you like the ending.

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I feel an echo of American Beauties in this one, particularly in the seasonal relation. S1 is a little wordy, but it sets a tone that makes the wordiness seem to fit, so I forgive that. S2 lacks impact for me, which makes it unjustifiably short -- I fail to see how breath is crushing to the speaker. I'm not sure of the line break in S3. I don't see the reason for it, so at the moment it seems arbitrary. I like the ideas that a stairway brings in S4, but the image feels incomplete in the end. This leaves the ending rather unsatisfying, which might be saying something of its own about the relationship.

This is the second poem I've written where someone has mentioned a commonality w/ "American Beauties"...thank you. And thanks for your other comments. They are valid. But since, so far, you are the only one who doesn't care for the ending, I'm not sure I will make any changes there.

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Nice poem, my only thought for you is to switch the words Libido and Insomnia. I think Insipid better discribes a Libido. Just a thought. 

There is no way to know if any word
is the right word given our shared saliva,
my insipid insomnia. My libido is a given.

You ache in me.
Your breath crushes me.

Come another summer, each dawn will bring your color
to my skin.

You are my personal stairway
and as I climb Up you and Down you
looking for the exit, I fear it will be my death.

This is a valid comment. Thank you. I will make this change.