Elektron

[Magpie]

I think the picture itself speaks well enough, and so do the words, and together they really are great, but their blending, with the words being placed directly in the picture, distracts from both, what with the words being out of order, and worse still with the image being practically vandalized. I'd much prefer if the words were separate, say, if this were a card, drawn on the back, or if a film, spoken -- here, simply written below the untouched picture. But if I really had to choose, edit 1b please, since sunrise needs not be said. And I like the title, although mainly because not even the Ancient Greek princess came to mind -- I was too distracted by electromagnetism.

I've done another edit that is picture and words separate. I know what you mean about the words being placed directly on the picture, it is always going to compromise the picture to a degree and in this case I think that both elements suffered in their battle with each other. I do think it is possible to achieve words on a picture and for them to enhance each other, I'm just not sure I found that way yet. I might try and create the picture to go with a poem instead of writing a poem to fit a picture.

Cheers for your thoughts

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I like the original. The sunset indeed speaks for itself and as I've learned regarding haiga, the words and image should not touch upon or explain each other directly. Your first one avoids that quite nicely! I also do not mind the words on the image as that is what haiga is about.

Hi thanks for reading and your thoughts. There is another edit up although it's not a replacement more like an additional possibility. I see merit in both ways of doing these picture poems, I guess I just haven't found the right balance yet.

Thanks again,

Mark