It's True, The Earth Is Flat edit 1 (Tiger, Tom, Achebe)

[QDeathstar]

edit 1 (Tiger, Tom, Achebe)

It's True, The Earth Is Flat  

I hear your pleas to start again,
your longing to reclaim youth's yang,
to wear the supple skin again
as if life were a boomerang. the first stanza is just about perfect. I can feel the boomerang again and again

Am I the only one who feels
one lifetime has been quite enough, i think there are ways to make this more interesting. It needs to be more personal I feel. yeah, everyone feels quit moaning. On the other hand, personal struggle inspires empathy. I think this is what's missing from the readers perspective.
whose scuffed up soul still quakes and reels
at images so sharp, so tough
to comprehend as human cries nice line break, enjambent
ring out to heavens born of dreams,
who's had their fill of truth, of lies
and soured on unending schemes?

I wonder if I'll feel the same
the day I'm stepping off this plane. stepping off sounds wrong to me. And although "off this plane" is interesting, it does not tie in well with the boomerang imagery from before.

Original:

It's True, The Earth Is Flat (a response to Dale's Fresh and Young)


I hear your pleas to start again,
your longing to reclaim youth's yang,
to wear again the supple skin
as if life were a boomerang.

Am I the only one who feels
one lifetime has been quite enough,
whose fractured soul still quakes and reels
at images so sharp, so tough
to comprehend as human cries
ring out to heavens born of dreams,
who's had their fill of truth, of lies
and soured on unending schemes?

I wonder if I'll feel the same
the day I'm stepping off this plane.