05-28-2016, 03:09 PM
Tectak, I'm adding a note to thank you because you've helped me to improve the poem. I haven't taken all your suggestions, but enough to make a difference. I removed all the unnecessary capitalization, and I made alterations to the first stanza. I always knew that the first line was too long -- six feet! -- so I cut it down; I also rewrote "barely noticed as people passed" (your point about "as" was well taken). The changes improved the rhythm of those lines.
I remember the arguments we had in 2014 about meter, and I don't want to re-open that discussion. However, you've helped me to see that if I stray too far from the meter I've chosen (and yes, I did intend to write this poem in iambic pentameter), the poem does indeed become muddied.
I'm still working on it. Thanks again.
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One more thing: You inadvertently confirmed for me that poetry can be rhythmical without being metrical. Metrical poetry will always sound smoother, but rhythm is what I've always aimed for. In a sense, you've given me permission to pursue my muse without restraint, and for that I'll always be grateful. However, in this case I'm going for something smoother, so I'll try to hammer it into shape.
I have a poem for you that you'll either love or hate. It is seven stanzas of pure iambic verse with no variant feet. I can hardly wait to get your reaction.
I remember the arguments we had in 2014 about meter, and I don't want to re-open that discussion. However, you've helped me to see that if I stray too far from the meter I've chosen (and yes, I did intend to write this poem in iambic pentameter), the poem does indeed become muddied.
I'm still working on it. Thanks again.
=========
One more thing: You inadvertently confirmed for me that poetry can be rhythmical without being metrical. Metrical poetry will always sound smoother, but rhythm is what I've always aimed for. In a sense, you've given me permission to pursue my muse without restraint, and for that I'll always be grateful. However, in this case I'm going for something smoother, so I'll try to hammer it into shape.
I have a poem for you that you'll either love or hate. It is seven stanzas of pure iambic verse with no variant feet. I can hardly wait to get your reaction.