Bracken (or AYLI)

[tectak]

Breech-born, the humble bracken bows to rise in Spring.
Fresh fronds unfurl and fly by bells hung blue on blue.
If ring they could, the peals would call and wake more dead
from crackling cover on the ground; but new life comes.
See there, and there, pale flags rise up on purpled poles
straight as the shafts of shadow-shapes in misted  mornings.
Each warming day the host uncurls, flinging fractals,
greening ground which once was tinged by shades of sky.
The canopy but three feet high, makes down below an underworld.
All that would grow, if not by now, is left in gloom
to wither in the green, green grave; the battle lost.
So why the servile hunched-up heave? The bent, defeated birth?
Your destiny is yearly tried; banks, slopes and fells you claim.
Unless, of course, by stealth you gain, until one day
all will be yours…and no one notices you'd won.

tectak
2016

[kolemath]

thanks for the read tectak! you're brilliant with alliteration in this one!!

Breech-born, the humble bracken bows to rise in Spring. I love the ambiguity of the gesture of bowing and the connection to fiddle head ferns (and violin bows)
Fresh fronds unfurl and fly by bells hung blue on blue. great use of sound
If ring they could, the peals would call and wake more dead
from crackling cover on the ground; but new life comes.
See there, and there, pale flags rise up on purpled poles nice use of the imperative sentence type to involve the reader
straight as the shafts of shadow-shapes in misted  mornings. provocative concept 'shadow-shapes' it makes me think beyond shadows themselves; i can't help but ponder it's connection to the 'straight(ness)' of shadows in mist (which seems to me a contradiction.
Each warming day the host uncurls, flinging fractals,
greening ground which once was tinged by shades of sky. great imagery, moving into spring
The canopy but three feet high, makes down below an underworld.
All that would grow, if not by now, is left in gloom
to wither in the green, green grave; the battle lost. wonderful contrast of 'green grave' and 'wither in the green'
So why the servile hunched-up heave? The bent, defeated birth? great line of transition and use of 'heave' as a noun
Your destiny is yearly tried; banks, slopes and fells you claim. survival of the fittest!
Unless, of course, by stealth you gain, until one day to me, the allegory of the forest shifts here. how does green grow by stealth? I understand the concept as connected to human competition, but how does the nature aspect of the allegory connect?
all will be yours…and no one notices you'd won. interesting closing line to connect to stealth.

tectak 
2016

Google tells me ayli is a character from Magic. perhaps the closing lines confuse me, as I don't have enough background information with the game? thanks for sharing! -Kole

[tectak]

thanks for the read tectak! you're brilliant with alliteration in this one!!

Breech-born, the humble bracken bows to rise in Spring. I love the ambiguity of the gesture of bowing and the connection to fiddle head ferns (and violin bows)
Fresh fronds unfurl and fly by bells hung blue on blue. great use of sound
If ring they could, the peals would call and wake more dead
from crackling cover on the ground; but new life comes.
See there, and there, pale flags rise up on purpled poles nice use of the imperative sentence type to involve the reader
straight as the shafts of shadow-shapes in misted  mornings. provocative concept 'shadow-shapes' it makes me think beyond shadows themselves; i can't help but ponder it's connection to the 'straight(ness)' of shadows in mist (which seems to me a contradiction.
Each warming day the host uncurls, flinging fractals,
greening ground which once was tinged by shades of sky. great imagery, moving into spring
The canopy but three feet high, makes down below an underworld.
All that would grow, if not by now, is left in gloom
to wither in the green, green grave; the battle lost. wonderful contrast of 'green grave' and 'wither in the green'
So why the servile hunched-up heave? The bent, defeated birth? great line of transition and use of 'heave' as a noun
Your destiny is yearly tried; banks, slopes and fells you claim. survival of the fittest!
Unless, of course, by stealth you gain, until one day to me, the allegory of the forest shifts here. how does green grow by stealth? I understand the concept as connected to human competition, but how does the nature aspect of the allegory connect?
all will be yours…and no one notices you'd won. interesting closing line to connect to stealth.

tectak 
2016

Google tells me ayli is a character from Magic. perhaps the closing lines confuse me, as I don't have enough background information with the game? thanks for sharing! -Kole

Hi kolemath,
thank you for this. I picked out the primary issue from your comment on stealth. I can see that I didn't make the case clearly. I was blind to the distant "greening* of the moorland in my locale but also unaware of just how much growth occurs once spring has ...er...sprung. The greening caused by bracken, acute or not, still creeps up on one because unlike say, Blue-bells, there are no flowers to startle the eye. Needs more work. Thanks again.
OK...hands up, I was having fun with AYLI, the old nod to Shakespeare (As You Like It).  I stuck it in the title  to permit those who do, to see the unintended metaphor at play. Perennials are "sleepers". They operate underground networks and sit below radar waiting for the moment to be right...then out they come, slowly at first, humble, frail, harmless...then all at once a rush and uprising to overwhelm the locals. Bracken "invades" and "takes over" vast areas; we "battle" with it, we try to "eradicate" it...yet still it comes. Gotta be a metaphor for something in there. The "shadow-shapes" were so described in order to be ubiquitous and undefined. Early (very early) sun casts shadows of anything and everthing but the thin mist of dawn allows you to "see" the projection of silhouettes (is that spelling correct?) as sharply defined straight lines.
That is all.
Best,
tectak

[Achebe]

Hi tectak - I couldn't understand why you started with some (in my opinion unnecessary) alliteration, then abandoned it suddenly.
That distracted me from the rest of the piece. The sudden change from third to second person towards the end was another distraction.

[tectak]

Hi tectak - I couldn't understand why you started with some (in my opinion unnecessary) alliteration, then abandoned it suddenly.
That distracted me from the rest of the piece. The sudden change from third to second person towards the end was another distraction.

Hi Achebe,
I don't really write alliterative poetry out necessity, and so I agree with your comment, but counter by saying I do it because I like doing it. That said, you were on the button when you noticed it stopped. That's when I stopped liking it. Not complicated.
On the subject shift I am worried about this aspect. There is the issue of "stealth" which must be addressed, and shall be, and so I expect there may be a change in the terminology of the last few lines rather than just a change of a word. This is one of those awkward endings that seems simple to bring off but when you try a wrap or two they all seem lacking in one way or another. I need to rework it. Thank you for mentioning it. Incentive.
Best,
tectak