05-28-2016, 03:45 AM
Tektac, you've given me a great deal to think about.
Capitalizing every line is something I did since I was young, and I have finally started to abandon it.
The switch in tense was thoughtless, and I'll correct it (thank you for pointing it out). (After examining the poem further, I'm not sure I made any mistakes in the tense.)
Regarding the rhythm/meter, well ... that's a very long discussion. I take many metrical liberties, and want to do so. I try to make my poetry more rhythmic than prose, but I don't want to throttle it with too much regularity.
I'll re-examine this poem with all your crits in mind -- and I mean that seriously. Tonight, or soon, I'll go over every line and re-examine it/them with your comments in mind. Thank you!
Capitalizing every line is something I did since I was young, and I have finally started to abandon it.
The switch in tense was thoughtless, and I'll correct it (thank you for pointing it out). (After examining the poem further, I'm not sure I made any mistakes in the tense.)
Regarding the rhythm/meter, well ... that's a very long discussion. I take many metrical liberties, and want to do so. I try to make my poetry more rhythmic than prose, but I don't want to throttle it with too much regularity.
I'll re-examine this poem with all your crits in mind -- and I mean that seriously. Tonight, or soon, I'll go over every line and re-examine it/them with your comments in mind. Thank you!