05-25-2016, 12:17 PM
What I love about this is that you're wrestling with the big topics, the important themes. Unfortunately, I can't say that I understand much of it. It seems to circle back around for you very neatly, but I've gotten lost -- I've derailed. I need more concrete metaphors and images, or I can't understand what you're getting at.
I feel like I just went to church -- like I got fed a lot of lofty platitudes, nodded to them because they seemed to have the ring of truth, and then went on about my daily business unaffected.
What I want is for you to TAKE ME TO CHURCH! You can't just tell me that something is, you have to show me in a way that's compelling.
I think you have good ideas, you're just struggling to get them transposed to the page.
What kind of effect were you hoping to have on the reader?
I feel like I just went to church -- like I got fed a lot of lofty platitudes, nodded to them because they seemed to have the ring of truth, and then went on about my daily business unaffected.
What I want is for you to TAKE ME TO CHURCH! You can't just tell me that something is, you have to show me in a way that's compelling.
I think you have good ideas, you're just struggling to get them transposed to the page.
What kind of effect were you hoping to have on the reader?