Clueless

[ChristopherSea]

Clueless

Colonel Mustard failed
to dazzle a tipsy Widow Peacock
with the medals paradoxically
embellishing his dress uniform
or with war stories recounted
in a snide W.C. Fields drawl.
Triumphant in ruffling her feathers,
he drew a knife, carved a corpulent
slice of mutton and turned
to other delights.

When he stumbled into Miss Scarlet
in the ballroom, her purse coughed
up an unnoticed revolver-
eclipsed by his pot-roast belly
and her gravy-boat breasts.
Scarlet’s smile seduced
a ride home, deserting
her stewed escort,
Professor Plum.

Come morning,
servants found Professor Plum
in the conservatory
beneath the rosebushes
with Mrs. Peacock,

both dead to the world.

[Caleb Murdock]

This reads like a fun fragment to me, but that's the operative word: fragment. It seems to me that it should be part of a larger work. As it is, I don't see much of a point to the poem. It needs a plot and a reason for the deaths. (I wasn't coming to the forum for a couple years, so perhaps I missed something; perhaps it is part of a larger work.)

Although you have 20th century references in the poem, it sounds very 19th-century to me.

[aschueler]

this is in reference to the game clue. And amusing indeed. However I threw this in to clarify, out of time for full read/crit. Will try to get back later.

[RC James]

Colonel Mustard failed 
to dazzle a tipsy Widow Peacock 
with the medals paradoxically

not sure about  the application or appropriatenes of "paradoxically" - maybe garishly or something similar.

embellishing his dress uniform 
or with war stories recounted 
in a snide W.C. Fields drawl. 
Triumphant in ruffling her feathers, 
he drew a knife, carved a corpulent

same with corpulent, more fitting for humans

slice of mutton and turned 
to other delights.

When he stumbled into Miss Scarlet 
in the ballroom, her purse coughed 
up an unnoticed revolver-
eclipsed by his pot-roast belly
and her gravy-boat breasts. 

this is a fun stanza

Scarlet’s smile seduced 
a ride home, deserting 
her stewed escort, 
Professor Plum. 

Come morning, 
servants found Professor Plum
in the conservatory 
beneath the rosebushes 
with Mrs. Peacock,
.
both dead to the world
I do agree that it needs to be more than this fragment, but a good foundation for that, RC

[Caleb Murdock]

So sorry. I know nothing about Clue. I posted my comment because nobody else was.

[aschueler]

Clueless

Colonel Mustard failed
to dazzle a tipsy Widow Peacock
with the medals paradoxically nice that you tried 5 syllable word, but the meaning fails.
embellishing his dress uniform
or with war stories recounted
in a snide W.C. Fields drawl. I appreciate this image of wc fields 
Triumphant in ruffling her feathers,
he drew a knife, carved a corpulent
slice of mutton and turned
to other delights.  Weird end of sentence but nicely done feeling of peril 

When he stumbled into Miss Scarlet   Onto or into?
in the ballroom, her purse coughed
up an unnoticed revolver-
eclipsed by his pot-roast belly
and her gravy-boat breasts. Funny
Scarlet’s smile seduced
a ride home, deserting
her stewed escort,
Professor Plum.  Nice sounds seduced with stewed 

Come morning,
servants found Professor Plum
in the conservatory
beneath the rosebushes
with Mrs. Peacock,

both dead to the world.  Originally meant as humor, it still lessens it to be so.  But i enjoyed it.  Perhaps more of the strange characters and items would make it richer, perhaps not

[jayjayaustralia]

very interesting.....

'dead to the world' is that to be read that they have eyes for only each other?

or is that dead to the world in a literal sense.. and he was wielding a knife and she a revolver?

nice that its left open to interpretation

[ChristopherSea]

Thanks for the reads and recommendations folks. I will consider them all for my next edit. Cheers/Chris