Dormant Factory (edit 1)

[tectak]

Achebe:  thanks for the advice;  the trees are various on purpose.  Ironically enough, I figured Dale would get this first;  my wife noticed almost right away when I read this to her (but then she knows me better).  They are from quite different habitats, none live near each other naturally.  The boughs reach;  not the roots.  Live oaks do reach, converging is my doing.  If you would, bring up pictures of red mangroves and live oaks and see if you can visualize them converging over a pool; if not then it fails.


I agree about the channels into the building;  it's awkward, was worse originally how I had it, and I am still working on getting us inside the building...

Dale:  thanks for the read as well.  What you are missing is what is the hardest of all the bring out.  This is one of the most abstract poems I have written.  I will likely drop the mothballs, was going for something very old and packed into storage;  my original word was naphthalene.  Make that work .  Anyway,  I am partly suffering from the error you mention on others, assuming the reader knows more.  I could use "large, dark halls filled with old, dark air" and skip cold.

The metronome I will need to clarify in a revision.  It confuses me too, but it's the center of everything really.

I can't rightly clarify more what I am trying to say in prose, it's why I put this into poetry of course.

Holy cow...it's naphthalene season again. See Scent of City Girls and thanks for the support