we have a miscellaneous forum where song lyrics might be better appreciated, here lyrics or no the song will and should be treated as poetry.
in one line you say "I'll write this down as a poem." and go on to say "I'm not sure if you listened to the lines you should" is she reading or listening?
because it's like writing a poem and starting every line with the same fucking word. [then don't start with the same word, it's killing the song/poem]
the main problem for me is the lack of imagery, ever hear dillon's lyrics or lennons? they rife with imagery, with this you show nothing and say little. it's very basic at best,
Because I know my voice would start shaking anyway.
Because I know that I would start to sway,
because I know that I'm not good enough at this.
the above has nothing of worth going for it. how does your voice shake why would you sway, good enough at what.
because my voice would shake like....a/the [word of choice here]
is shake a good word to use with voice
my voice would rattle/babble/stammer/stutter like.... just examples.
in general the song is boring; as is the poem
a good song or poem can and should make the uninteresting interesting.
in one line you say "I'll write this down as a poem." and go on to say "I'm not sure if you listened to the lines you should" is she reading or listening?
because it's like writing a poem and starting every line with the same fucking word. [then don't start with the same word, it's killing the song/poem]
the main problem for me is the lack of imagery, ever hear dillon's lyrics or lennons? they rife with imagery, with this you show nothing and say little. it's very basic at best,
Because I know my voice would start shaking anyway.
Because I know that I would start to sway,
because I know that I'm not good enough at this.
the above has nothing of worth going for it. how does your voice shake why would you sway, good enough at what.
because my voice would shake like....a/the [word of choice here]
is shake a good word to use with voice
my voice would rattle/babble/stammer/stutter like.... just examples.
in general the song is boring; as is the poem
a good song or poem can and should make the uninteresting interesting.
(03-18-2016, 10:53 AM)DerTomatenToaster Wrote: Because there is nothing as perfect as the written word,
because I'm scared of my emotions to be blurred,
because of that I'll write this down as a poem.
Because I know my voice would start shaking anyway.
Because I know that I would start to sway,
because I know that I'm not good enough at this.
Because there are so many things I wish I told you so much earlier,
because it would have changed so many thoughts I know you had,
because I think you would have understood.
Because I'm not sure if you listened to the lines you should.
Because I'm sorry for ever having tried,
because I'm sorry for having said any of this.
Because I'm sorry for not keeping that one promise,
because you weren't able to endure.
Because I'm sorry for being so insecure.
Because I'm sorry for saying "I'm sorry" so often,
because I know a word loses it's worth when being overused,
because it's like writing a poem and starting every line with the same fucking word.
Note:
As I said in the "hi" thread: The things I'll post for now are lyrics for the first EP of a band I'm the vocalist in. This is imporant to know, because we are a concept band, so all our songs will be one huge story. I know that this one doesn't seem to be very poetic in any way, but it has a few reasons that you may be able to understand or may not.
However: If you don't like it, that's fine, I'm sure the next one I will post will be a lot more enjoyable, because it's in a very different writing style. I just post this one first, because I want to post them in the chronological order.