03-16-2016, 04:57 AM
(03-16-2016, 12:52 AM)DerTomatenToaster Wrote:Yes I see your point. I think I was thinking of us basically as an amount of chemicals to which we will eventually return. I must think about "return". Perhaps somehow work in "dissolve into earth" or "be absorbed by the earth".(03-15-2016, 09:26 PM)Julius Wrote:Yeah, definitly thought of a wrong meaning for this word then.(03-14-2016, 12:10 AM)DerTomatenToaster Wrote: [/size]Thank you for reading and considering my poem. Perhaps I should rethink the word corruption, by which I mean corruption of the body after death. In my mind was the thought of a decaying body in a grave, where flowers wither, being covered in snow. I think that when people are bereaved they cry for their own loss. The dead person is beyond feeling of any sort. I am not a religious person, I would say I was agnostic. The last part of the poem is literal. In the grave I will decay and be slowly absorbed by the earth.
I hope the explanation helps with your understanding.
For what it is worth this poem was triggered by the song "Danny Boy" and I actually expect to be cremated when my time comes.
That was pretty much my point, yes your body decays and is absorbed by the earth, but my main problem was the word "return" which would mean you come back to the earth, which means you came from the earth one day. That's why I asked.
As I said, no major problems, but still kind of confusing to me.
Thank you for your interest, it is appreciated.

(03-15-2016, 05:23 AM)Deckpoop Wrote: Hello Julius,Thank you for your interest and comment. I feel I have answered the point you raise in #5, but appreciate you giving thought to my poem. The fact that two people focus on the same point means it certainly needs looking at
I am new here and I read a couple of your poems and found them interesting so I thought I would kick off by commenting here.
I think the poem starts with a really good piece of imagery with the strong contrast between purity and corruption.
The one thing that struck me as odd was this:
(03-13-2016, 11:45 PM)Julius Wrote: Cry for yourself but not for me;The logic of it seems to be that the second line and what follows is an explanation as to why the mourner should not weep for the deceased, rather than contrasting the situation of mourner and deceased. So the phrase "I do not weep" seems to be out of place. Why would someone weep for someone else? Because they suffer I suppose. So I would maybe change "weep" for a word more directly conveying suffering, like "hurt" or "feel".
I do not weep nor do I fear.
I liked the imagery at the end of the poem as well. But I am not sure I liked the repetition of the word "time."
Thanks for posting. I enjoyed reading it.
