Oh what a time to be alive. (SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE?! not sure if it counts)

[Mr.Malicious]

Before I start this freakshow lemme give you a bit of background on me, my writing, and cakepops. (not really, but that would be cool!)

So, I started writing about 4 weeks ago as a way to vent the troubles of my life, now before you say this is just going to be empty hate speech or anything of the like, I am going to describe multiple situations I am or have experience or experienced. My writing is kinda gonna take a macabre sorta direction, so gore/horror might be involved, recommend me a site or anything if it isn't really the type of thing that belongs here. But onto this horror of some sort.

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Oh what a time to be alive.
Consumerism fills the air
those who have the most followers
rule this rock
we all live on

Oh what a time to be content.

Patriots
Riots
What even is the difference?
You see another nigga
I see another animal.


Oh, what a time to be alive.

The stench of religion drowns out
the aroma of cognizance.

Oh what a time to be fading.
All the gentlemen are dead
And the undead "gangstas"
Crawl from they're graves.

Oh what a time to be withering.
The hindered kindred of machines
programmed to listen to screens.

Oh what a time to be another machine.

[Tiger the Lion]

Welcome Mr. M. I will try to get you started.

Before I start this freakshow lemme give you a bit of background on me, my writing, and cakepops. (not really, but that would be cool!)

So, I started writing about 4 weeks ago as a way to vent the troubles of my life, now before you say this is just going to be empty hate speech or anything of the like, I am going to describe multiple situations I am or have experience or experienced. My writing is kinda gonna take a macabre sorta direction, so gore/horror might be involved, recommend me a site or anything if it isn't really the type of thing that belongs here. But onto this horror of some sort.

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Oh what a time to be alive. why do you feel the "Oh" is needed? Don't worry about trying to create drama yet.
Consumerism fills the air yes, but this is not news - give us an example to relate to
those who have the most followers
rule this rock this is a nice line 
we all live on this line is weak. striking it makes the line above stronger

Oh what a time to be content. Say no to the Oh

Patriots
Riots
What even is the difference?
You see another nigga
I see another animal.


Oh, what a time to be alive.

The stench of religion drowns out
the aroma of cognizance.

Oh what a time to be fading.
All the gentlemen are dead
And the undead "gangstas"
Crawl from they're graves.

Oh what a time to be withering.
The hindered kindred of machines
programmed to listen to screens.

Oh what a time to be another machine.

I stopped rather than repeat myself, no comments on content for now. I don't want to overwhelm you if you're really only 4 weeks in. Angst poems are tough. Everyone has written one, even if it was just a rant on their facebook status. So the chances of saying something new and interesting is very difficult, even for very skilled writers. Having said that, I've read much worse. Just wanted to give you a few initial things to think about.
Paul

[Leanne]

Hey Mr Mal, there's nothing here that we're going to censor in any way. This is what poetry is about -- experiencing the world, putting words around it and letting others experience it your way. Now, you're not going to write spectacular stuff in four weeks but you've got a beginning here and it's fair to say that with more time under your belt, you might even find yourself turning into a poet. Don't get too excited, because that's not the easiest thing in the world to be

First up: I get why you've done it in this case, but try not to preface your work because it comes across as an apology and if you believe in it, the last thing you want to be doing is giving people a reason to think you're not fully invested.

Second: It's easy enough to do if you're in a rush, but here (like most places on the internet) a typo can get you torn to bits. You've got the wrong their/they're/there and I'll let you choose the right one because I'm kind like that.

Third: There's a great "rule" (there aren't any real rules in poetry, but there are some things that make it stronger and it's a good idea to explore them) that says "show, don't tell". You run the risk, like many beginners, of preaching -- and I don't know about you, but preaching turns me right off and makes me want to argue. Think of a concrete example of consumerism and describe it -- it might be an event, real or imagined, to stand for what you're trying to say -- like lining up grandmas in the bazaar with price tags tattooed on their foreheads, or something. I'm reaching cos it's not my poem . You could explore the undead gangstas idea a bit more, draw out that image, describe their bling-draped bits littering the ground where tuxedos once trod. Plenty of opportunity for imagery to stand for ideas.

Fourth: I like your "oh what a time" refrain. I like your ideas. That they're not new is not relevant -- nothing we can write about is particularly new, but there are new ways to write about old thoughts. This is worth developing, if not with this exact poem (though no reason why not) then through exploring other forms and styles of poetry.

Play with words, images, concepts, metaphors. That's what poetry is about. And don't be concerned about offending people -- we'll let you know if you cross a line but it's a long way away from what you've written. The only thing that really offends us here is people not dealing well with criticism, and people thinking they already know it all. Nobody does -- but some are less ignorant than others

If you remember that every comment is criticising something about your poem, not about you personally, then you'll get on famously here. We want you to improve. The world needs more good poets, who don't write about butterflies and bunnies.

[Mr.Malicious]

Welcome Mr. M. I will try to get you started.

Before I start this freakshow lemme give you a bit of background on me, my writing, and cakepops. (not really, but that would be cool!)

So, I started writing about 4 weeks ago as a way to vent the troubles of my life, now before you say this is just going to be empty hate speech or anything of the like, I am going to describe multiple situations I am or have experience or experienced. My writing is kinda gonna take a macabre sorta direction, so gore/horror might be involved, recommend me a site or anything if it isn't really the type of thing that belongs here. But onto this horror of some sort.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh what a time to be alive. why do you feel the "Oh" is needed? Don't worry about trying to create drama yet.
Consumerism fills the air yes, but this is not news - give us an example to relate to
those who have the most followers
rule this rock this is a nice line 
we all live on this line is weak. striking it makes the line above stronger

Oh what a time to be content. Say no to the Oh

Patriots
Riots
What even is the difference?
You see another nigga
I see another animal.


Oh, what a time to be alive.

The stench of religion drowns out
the aroma of cognizance.

Oh what a time to be fading.
All the gentlemen are dead
And the undead "gangstas"
Crawl from they're graves.

Oh what a time to be withering.
The hindered kindred of machines
programmed to listen to screens.

Oh what a time to be another machine.

I stopped rather than repeat myself, no comments on content for now. I don't want to overwhelm you if you're really only 4 weeks in. Angst poems are tough. Everyone has written one, even if it was just a rant on their facebook status. So the chances of saying something new and interesting is very difficult, even for very skilled writers. Having said that, I've read much worse. Just wanted to give you a few initial things to think about.
Paul

Thank you my friend, edits are gonna occur, especially on that their/they're/there mishap. That's what you get when a tired 14 year old gets writing and is fueled by microwave pizza and sun chips, but thank you for the criticism.

[QDeathstar]

Before I start this freakshow lemme give you a bit of background on me, my writing, and cakepops. (not really, but that would be cool!)

So, I started writing about 4 weeks ago as a way to vent the troubles of my life, now before you say this is just going to be empty hate speech or anything of the like, I am going to describe multiple situations I am or have experience or experienced. My writing is kinda gonna take a macabre sorta direction, so gore/horror might be involved, recommend me a site or anything if it isn't really the type of thing that belongs here. But onto this horror of some sort.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh what a time to be alive.
Consumerism fills the air
those who have the most followers
rule this rock
we all live on

Oh what a time to be content.

Patriots
Riots
What even is the difference?
You see another nigga
I see another animal.


Oh, what a time to be alive.

The stench of religion drowns out
the aroma of cognizance.

Oh what a time to be fading.
All the gentlemen are dead
And the undead "gangstas"
Crawl from they're graves.

Oh what a time to be withering.
The hindered kindred of machines
programmed to listen to screens.

Oh what a time to be another machine.

oh what a time is cliche. Actually the poem is cliche. It becomes tedious. Poems about hate cut deeper when they have a sharp edge. This thing has been through the presser more than a few times. Consider what you have added that is new. If you have not created something is said in a new way, why bother? Most of the lines of this poem have been said in some other poem.

Stop making allusions to how you feel and just say it clearly.

[Mr.Malicious]

Before I start this freakshow lemme give you a bit of background on me, my writing, and cakepops. (not really, but that would be cool!)

So, I started writing about 4 weeks ago as a way to vent the troubles of my life, now before you say this is just going to be empty hate speech or anything of the like, I am going to describe multiple situations I am or have experience or experienced. My writing is kinda gonna take a macabre sorta direction, so gore/horror might be involved, recommend me a site or anything if it isn't really the type of thing that belongs here. But onto this horror of some sort.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh what a time to be alive.
Consumerism fills the air
those who have the most followers
rule this rock
we all live on

Oh what a time to be content.

Patriots
Riots
What even is the difference?
You see another nigga
I see another animal.


Oh, what a time to be alive.

The stench of religion drowns out
the aroma of cognizance.

Oh what a time to be fading.
All the gentlemen are dead
And the undead "gangstas"
Crawl from they're graves.

Oh what a time to be withering.
The hindered kindred of machines
programmed to listen to screens.

Oh what a time to be another machine.

oh what a time is cliche. Actually the poem is cliche. It becomes tedious. Poems about hate cut deeper when they have a sharp edge. This thing has been through the presser more than a few times. Consider what you have added that is new. If you have not created something is said in a new way, why bother?  Most of the lines of this poem have been said in some other poem.

Stop making allusions to how you feel and just say it clearly.

Ok what to say first..Well I suppose I didn't look as far as I should into this whole thing, just thought up what I could and went for it, though that was probably a bad decision on my part and so, ill do my best to correct it in further works. And on the note it is a cliché I agree, at least in some parts. Specifically the "consumerism fills the air" and what's around that part. Though some of it I think can be salvaged into individual works that I might try working on at further dates. And for the record, the nobodies was a killer song my friend.