Amen

[Deckpoop]

Hello Julius,

I am new here and I read a couple of your poems and found them interesting so I thought I would kick off by commenting here.

I think the poem starts with a really good piece of imagery with the strong contrast between purity and corruption.

The one thing that struck me as odd was this:

Cry for yourself but not for me;
I do not weep nor do I fear.

The logic of it seems to be that the second line and what follows is an explanation as to why the mourner should not weep for the deceased, rather than contrasting the situation of mourner and deceased. So the phrase "I do not weep" seems to be out of place. Why would someone weep for someone else? Because they suffer I suppose. So I would maybe change "weep" for a word more directly conveying suffering, like "hurt" or "feel".

I liked the imagery at the end of the poem as well. But I am not sure I liked the repetition of the word "time."

Thanks for posting. I enjoyed reading it.