Amen
#2
(03-13-2016, 11:45 PM)Julius Wrote:  Amen

Let soft snow blanket my grave,
Corruption hid by purity                     [I like the metaphor you use here, but I don't think it really fits too well, because you just threw in the word curruption, concealing soil and withered flowers    without ever explaining what exactly about "you" was currupt. Could have done more with this or left it out]
marking my eternity.

Cry for yourself but not for me;
I do not weep nor do I fear.
There is no restlessness in death,
no memories of life held dear.           [I mainly like this line, because this is pretty much what I think about death, but I got some problems with                                                                       it, after reading the rest of the poem]

Time for me is now the same
as the time before my birth.
As my flesh and bones decay
and I return to Mother Earth.              [What exactly do you mean by "return"? The only thing that would make sence to me, would be if you are talking                                                                       about the bible, which says that we are made from soil, but when you are now talking about the bible it would kind of                                                                 be the opposite from the thoughts about death you had earlier in the poem. Maybe I'm just thinking about it way too                                                                 much though and you just wanted it to sound nice though]
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Amen - by Julius - 03-13-2016, 11:45 PM
RE: Amen - by DerTomatenToaster - 03-14-2016, 12:10 AM
RE: Amen - by Julius - 03-15-2016, 09:26 PM
RE: Amen - by DerTomatenToaster - 03-16-2016, 12:52 AM
RE: Amen - by Julius - 03-16-2016, 04:57 AM
RE: Amen - by Deckpoop - 03-15-2016, 05:23 AM
RE: Amen - by Achebe - 03-15-2016, 05:38 AM
RE: Amen - by DC Black - 03-16-2016, 06:56 PM
RE: Amen - by Sciencegeek - 03-23-2016, 06:38 AM
RE: Amen - by RiverNotch - 03-24-2016, 03:44 PM
RE: Amen - by Julius - 03-27-2016, 03:41 AM
RE: Amen - by Mr.Malicious - 03-29-2016, 05:05 PM
RE: Amen - by tectak - 03-29-2016, 06:16 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!