It's True, The Earth Is Flat edit 1 (Tiger, Tom, Achebe)

[ellajam]

It's True, The Earth Is Flat (a response to Dale's Fresh and Young)


I hear your pleas to start again,
your longing to reclaim youth's yang,  
to wear again the supple skin
as if life were a boomerang.            to me, this represents the fear of growing older- or maybe a long time lover longing to be with you again. i feel it's beautifully written

Am I the only one who feels
one lifetime has been quite enough,
whose fractured soul still quakes and reels
at images so sharp, so tough                         with powerful meaning, i love how poetry translates into what the reader can sometimes be feeling.

to comprehend as human cries
ring out to heavens born of dreams,
who's had their fill of truth, of lies
and soured on unending schemes?

I wonder if I'll feel the same
the day I'm stepping off this plane.

                                                                       paints a beautiful picture in my head of an aged loved one who has hurt you, experienced pain with you, and wants your forgiveness/embrace/love because they fear their approaching death.... and you're wondering if you will care more when you are in that position. 

your words are so perfectly written here in my opinion because i can relate so well. the only thing i have to say is... nothing. can't say anything. i love it.

Well, sometimes you hit the nail on the head for someone. I'm glad it worked for you, I will edit more carefully because of your response so thank you so much for letting me know. You'll probably hate my edit.  

It's True, The Earth Is Flat (a response to Dale's Fresh and Young)


I hear your pleas to start again,
your longing to reclaim youth's yang,
to wear again the supple skin
as if life were a boomerang.

Am I the only one who feels
one lifetime has been quite enough,
whose fractured soul still quakes and reels
at images so sharp, so tough
to comprehend as human cries
ring out to heavens born of dreams,
who's had their fill of truth, of lies
and soured on unending schemes?

I wonder if I'll feel the same
the day I'm stepping off this plane.

Could cut "to start again" or "to reclaim youth's yang" since they both say the same thing.  
good point, thanks.

"yang" has a little more jazz to it, I guess, although haven't we overplayed yin/yang enough?  That's like an '80's thing.  Or maybe it's 60's...I forget.  
For me, the difference between a toddler's or teenager's chi and an older person's is a fact, it will never go out of style. Maybe you're not wearing your winter coat as much as I am.    You say yang has more jazz, then say it's outdated. So I guess I'm on my own deciding what to keep.

like the boomerang effect.  Especially early on.   Not sure why you would be the "only one"
I'm sure I'm not the only one, but for so long I've been amazed at people's nostalgia, I just don't get the "good old days" and don't get the whole longing for youth of our culture. I'll look again at how I say that.


The whole second stanza is kind of whiney.  
Yes, it certainly is, I was surprised myself at how many lines the whine used up, maybe I can try for better balance.

I confess I haven't read the initial poem that triggered this response so maybe I'm being a bit harsh.  
That doesn't matter a bit.

Ending is boss.

As always your comments are right in a place I can understand and are much appreciated. Thanks so much for coming by.